Ramsey is himself again. It's so great to see that smile on his face. He is entertaining and bright. The more he learns and begins to communicate with us, the more amazed I am. I can't explain why...it's not as if I expected any less from him. I believe it's just that his life and his survival as a whole still amaze me. He didn't just survive, he thrives.
Last week, when he was hospitalized, every one kept telling me how strong I was, how sorry they were, and the like. At the time, I felt unaffected by the circumstances, that is, until the morning of his discharge. Ramsey was napping so I decided to steal away to the cafeteria. As I entered the elevator, there was a man hauling a cart filled with breast milk storage bottles and a cooler. That's when it struck me; his wife ran out of storage space in the freezer! During Ramsey's stay in the NICU, I too ran out of room in the freezer. I remember being both mortified, saddened and slightly amused when they told me I had to find another place to store it. Some acted like I was a lactating superhero, but that had nothing to do with it. Until my son was able to drink, of course the supply would accumulate. As I stood in the elevator, I felt speechless. I remembered so many moments, and I couldn't help but wonder what the "milk man's" story was. Bottom line- his wife and child had likely been there for a long long time.
As I headed back to Ramsey's room, I heard a familiar voice in the hallway. It was the voice of the doctor on duty the day Ramsey almost needed ECMO. Like that day, his words became a blur; again I was taken back to those first fearful days. Something told me not to look back.
We brought Ramsey home that afternoon, and guess what happened? He grabbed my cell phone and suddenly the song "Angels Among Us" started to play. I don't believe that was a coincidence. Next a silly kid song called "I Need a DOG" came on....(OK, I don't think there was any hidden message there). BUT, the next song was even better: Rascall Flat's "I Won't Let Go" played. "I Won't Let Go" was released prior to Ramsey's birth. A local CDH mom shared with me that she followed our blog and that she prayed that her angel, Logan, would watch over and protect Ramsey. She felt that the song was Logan's song for Ramsey. I am comforted to know that there are angels among us, and I would bet one of them is him.
Dear Lisa, I understand. I know what that is like to feel strong and together one moment and then flooded with remembering, knowing, feeling the next. To me, it is the blessing of getting to live in the "normal" world AND keep the lessons of our beautiful babies close to us at the same time. Hugs, CDH mama-friend. :)
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Love hearing about Ramsey and Family strength. Gives me hope! -Aunt Layna
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